in a thoughtful mood tonight, just talked on the phone for a few hours with a dear friend and my ears are sore from the conversation, (so thats what headset phones are for) but i feel so grateful for the ones that are in my circle. this week has been more social than usual, going to twice the playgroups and visiting with new neighbors and walking and talking to everyone i see lately. i guess i sometimes forget what a social creature i am. i crave conversation, connection, exchanging of ideas. there is so much to put out there and so much to get back, its the fun cycle of creativity, my fuel.

one of things that i have been fascinated with lately is spaces, how people live. what their rituals and habits are, where they go and how they do things. but really what their dwelling is like. when you think about it, your home is really the only environment that you have 100% control over. so what is it like? sometimes not everyone really has the means, time or concern over what their place is. but then, that definetly says something too. and i am a firm believer that you do not have to have a lot o money to reflect yourself in your surroundings. you are there, whether you try to be or not, so why not make it somewhere that makes you happy? my alter career of choice would definetly be along these lines of spaces, creating them, helping others find out how to make them what they want. maybe someday i will go down that avenue.

all of this reminds me of something so disheartening. i cannot believe that martha has been sentanced, i know that it has been a possibility for a while now, but that it’s really happening is completely sad. if you havent already sent martha a supportive note, and you are with me on this one, then go for it.

“The day is cold, and dark, and dreary
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.”
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
listening to passenger seat, by death cab for cutie. the piano part in this song reminds me of those days back at home, when i would realize that no one else was really around and i could creep into the fancy no one walks into this recently vacuumed living room and sit at my parent’s gorgeous black steinway and just let my emotions spill over the keys. i miss their piano. i miss their house, the smells and the pretty rooms. and the laughter. one of my deepest desires is to have a feeling in my place that will welcome people to stay, and then to beckon them to return.

i picked up a poetry book the other day and smiled when reading Longfellow’s Rainy Day and thinking about the rainy days that i have recently had in my life. my boldness in accepting them has brought a strength that surprised me. and i owe it all to the certainty that there was a bright sun shining behind those heavy gray clouds. growing up in seattle, i guess its no surprise that i will always relish the moody rainy days in real life for the same reason that they give me a love for the sunny ones that i know will come. they will always come. happy prevails, but in the meantime, don’t be in such a hurry to find it. just know that it’s there. enjoy the romantic cold that brings you inside and lights a fire in your house. brew a mug of hot cocoa. read that book and curl up in that quilt. don’t resist it.

the part of me that craves cold weather has come out lately under this agonizing heat. i am just not made for this kind of summer. i miss the cool warmth that i am so accustomed to and wait in giddiness for the seasons to change again. i love fall for a multiple of reasons. i wonder if some of the excitement is that once september hits, a rolling effect of celebrations and holidays come around. or maybe i feel leftover anticipation from years of being conditioned to return to school. that smell of newly sharpened pencils, fresh slates, new people to meet and warm fuzzy sweaters to wear. or is it the way the light changes in the afternoon to a dusky gold and lingers romantically in the air…and the way the leaves flutter into a glorious combo of sweet oranges? (i have been rediscovering orange really. it was a once favorite color that went to the wayside to green.) i just can’t wait till the cool sets in. there is something so romantic about the way the air changes. i love bare naked trees, the silhouettes have always inspired me and remind me of old indian ink creations that used to be all over my room, my pockets, my notes.

some music always come in constant rotation for me in the fall, their deep resonating voices and gorgeous guitars sound like autumn to me. grant lee buffalo and red house painters…during this blog i’ve been listening to “trailways” over and over repeating again…no matter how many times i hear this song, i never finish understanding how much i enjoy it. red stars theory…good at anytime of the year, it has the same irrevokable moodiness that i indulge in the serious season of fall. iron and wine has it too. maybe i will burn a cd…

…falling asleep with one of your hands sandwiched between two other hands that belong to the man that you love. (: i always hesitate to even get started on the subject of love, because i get so sappy. but love is so great. and being in love is even better.

i think that i good marriage requires falling in love with the same person again and again. re-crushes are so much better than the one time crush, for so many reasons. for one, the first time crush is based on such superficial things. its short term, fleeting and although the mystery is the entire fun of it, once you get to know the person that you have the crush on, that’s it. but if you are already gone and looking for the next person to make stars float in your head, you have missed experiencing a re-crush. the re-crush moves onto deeper parts of the relationship. the magic is just starting. it takes time to truly foster a grand returning crush, thats why getting married is so exhilarating, you are both promising to always have crushes on each other over and over again.

crush part VII for me was a hand sandwhich last night. and in light of celebrating five years of marital bliss the end of this july, i cannot believe how sometimes when i glance over at my husband, and still feel heart flip flops at his handsome face and gentle ways. there is nothing better than being married. its like a really good secret that you are good at keeping.

so this is a subject that i have always gone back and forth on, but as im sitting here eating hot dogs for lunch (isn’t that gross?) i want to write that i am sick of the sick food. i have had such a junk food overhaul lately that i feel like its time to recommit to my old health nutty ways and eat some more veggies and definetly cut back on refined sugar. i love cooking, love the way that i feel when i am eating right, so it only makes sense that i stop my foolish ways, but its just sooo hard! at least at first, but after about a week of being all pure with my diet, i notice an amazing energy source that seems to come out from nowhere. thats what i want. my old self back.! invinsa-jenny! dum duh duh dum!

saw napoleon dynamite with friends last night. boy was it funny. i couldn’t stop laughing through the entire show. my sides hurt, it was brilliant. i am dying to see the guy who played napoleon out of character, he was just such a good dweeb that i can’t see that person any other way. the dance scene killed me. just the body movements, the way that the camera shot him coming out of his house every morning, or strutting down the street in his new dance digs, oh…i could really go on about this! but you will just have to go out and see it for yourself.

“what your heart thinks great is great. the souls emphasis is always right. ” ~ralph waldo emerson~

some of my favorite words by emerson, that i doodled over some vellum over a photograph of my guitar and taped inside my journal last year. i can hardly believe that i will almost be through another journal, but there are only a few pages left and i can’t wait to seek out my next one. journals are the backbone of so many ground breaking moments, they help me define life in such a background sort of way. finding and reading old journals that i have keep me progressing, because in the memory of what i once thought or planned to be, i see where i have since been and where i will go next.