Photograph (yes, photograph!) by amazing artist, Loretta Lux.
“Think, dear friend, reflect on the world that you carry within yourself. And name this thinking what you wish. It might be recollections of your childhood or yearning for your own future. Just be sure that you observe carefully what wells up within you and place that above everything that you notice around you. Your innermost happening is worth all your love. You must somehow work on that.” ~Ranier Maria Rilke from Letters to a Young Poet
thinking about things that excite me~
owning my own business, snowboarding, mothering, painting, cutting my hair? (naw), possibility of tomorrow, writing/publishing my own book, traveling, reunions, holidays, dessert, snow, more to come…
monday night we went to the pumpkin patch, just before it got dark. we came home and spread newspaper all over the dining room table and gave the pumpkins faces, max was very excited about the results (: i had a lot of pictures from the night, but i couldn’t resist putting this one up, i laugh everytime i see it.
we also made some ghosty cookies that were gone before the night was over~so easy and delicious too, just get some nutter butter cookies, frost them with white cake icing, then use the super mini chocolate chips for their eyes, serve with hot apple cider Mmm!
i feel like i am trapped in Judith Viorst’s Alexander And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, a book that we read to max. just one of those days. i feel like disowning my imperfections and running really fast on a beach. or taking a nap in the sun with music in my ears and no worries.
i don’t want to turn up the heat ($) and its cold today. max needs more attention. i havent combed my hair or put on any makeup. so many unfinished projects knawing on my mind. tv calling my name to waste time. tired. loads of laundry. have a cut on my foot from stepping on a shard of glass. a little on the grumpy side and making too many careless mistakes today.
can’t wait for tomorrow. sometimes bad days just happen and this is one of them.
follow-up from no good day: thank you niki, for the phone call from far away in seattle, you made my day!
last night my little max was waking up with really sad cries. he has always been a very good sleeper, and loves his crib, but something about last night was different. he couldn’t be consoled after several times of tuck-ins and back pats and shhhs and it’s okays, he still woke up sad and crying. lately he has been waking up a lot at night and its one of the million times that i wish i could spy into his mind and see what was going on. was his toddler’s newly active imagination giving him nightmares? is he having growing pains?
all i knew was i didn’t want him to be sad. so i scooped him up and brought him to our bed, something i haven’t done since he was a newborn. it was so funny to be next to his snores, his heavy breathing and little eyelids closed and quiet, arms stretched over his head. i was too groggy the next morning to realize that he was crawling all over our blankets and being silly again, but sometime in the night, marcus woke me up to show me that max had somehow gotten to sleep above marcus’ head and wrapped around him like a hat. some things are just to funny and shouldn’t be forgotten.
today has come and will soon be gone in the blink of an eye! i have spent it all away in the kitchen, painting and cleaning up what i started. i have to say that it is very cheery and bright in there, all i need is a nice apple pie cake toasting warm in the oven to complete my day. but no time! book club awaits me tonight, food and discussion, there couldn’t be a better combination. max has been a good sport all day, letting the painting job borrow his mommy for a while was fine by him, as long as he got some vital cracker and milk snack breaks. i feel exhausted, i wonder if the book club ladies would be alright if i just wore my pajamas? (wink). the leaves are beginning to dance all over our yard, i love it! i cannot wait to pile a mountain for max and i to jump into, use as pillows to stare at the sky, or have leaf fights~something more up his alley. take that! haha! a crumply old brown leaf! ha ha! (ok, maybe its the paint fumes…)
was up till 2am this morning, painting the dark kitchen cabinets (that were like a true-to-life jenny repellant!) into a calming green. relief and delight ran out of my paintbrush as i transformed the room…now if i can just find a super good topcoat for them so they stay that way…i can be so impulsive! tonight i plan on reading and maybe spending some time at my desk making something imaginative. (and watching my latest favorite show , shhh! don’t tell anyone, it’s ridiculous but so entertaining.) this weekend i am throwing a party for a friend and i just happened to plan it on the same exact day of homecoming. that’s okay. then i find out old friends are actually coming and i think, well, maybe i am feeling a little sad now that i will miss it. then i find out that m is taking max and they are going to go and i suddenly feel like i am really missing out. oh well. hilton village (where we live) has it’s octoberfest planned for saturday too, maybe i will ride my bike a few blocks down there in the morning. afterall, i will be having a party! but i can’t help think about all the friends that i might catch up with. hopefully they will plan on coming next year and we can go again then.
my cousin, Zoe Kate, painting her nails~photo by Megan
An interview with Julia Cameron, writer of The Artist’s Way
Q: Is true creativity the possession of a relatively small percentage of the population?
A: No, absolutely not. We are all creative. Creativity is a natural life force that all can experience in one form or another. Just as blood is part of our physical body and is nothing we must invent, creativity is part of us and we each can tap into the greater creative energies of the universe and pull from that vast, powerful spiritual wellspring to amplify our own individual creativity.
As a culture, we tend to define creativity too narrowly and to think of it in elitist terms, as something belonging to a small chosen tribe of “real artists.” But in reality, everything we do requires making creative choices, although we seldom recognize that fact. The ways in which we dress, set up our homes, do our jobs, the movies we see, and even the people we involve ourselves withâ€â€?these all are expressions of our creativity. It is our erroneous beliefs about creativity, our cultural mythology about artists (”All artists are broke, crazy, promiscuous, self-centered, single, or they have trust funds”) that encourage us to leave our dreams unfulfilled. These myths most often involve matters of money, time, and other people’s agendas for us. As we clear these blocks away, we can become more creative.
one of my favorite paintings, by Fairfield Porter
had a fun weekend. went treasure hunting at some local thrift stores with a friend who is so easy to hang out with. max went with us and i noticed that she kept calling him sweet pea, i smile thinking about it. we both found: some much needed filing cabinets, an old croquet set, some cute wooden tea boxes and a pretty glass bottle, an egg poacher pan, a mini gardening tool set, and a little car for max!
that same evening, we all grouped together for some good food and company. mary’s husband made some delicious salsa made with three tomatoes, chopped cilantro and onions all mixed together, simple and delicious!
a little visitor seeking a dry spot from the rain is on my porch right now, he looked so comfortable i thought i would show you.
“An artist chooses his subjects: that is how he praises.” ~ Friedrich Nietzche
starting a new painting. i found a sketch while cleaning up the upstairs studio space and office that marcus and i share. it was dated from three years ago. in it, my arms are outstretched over my head with wrists crossed over and paintbrushes in hand, next to the figure are little words noted in smeared lead what i wanted to portray, “surrending, releasing.” it’s stunning that i have felt the same snags in my art for so long. that what i have in my mind is so hard to match in my skills. i dont really remember drawing this, but i remember the emotions that matched the sketch. it was drawn on yellow lined legal pad paper and i remember sitting next to an amazing artist in my college painting class, where i was at the time. he was a fantastic illustrator, but also had no real faith in what he made. anyone who walked by his studio desk would be impressed, yet he had no problem constantly criticising his work. i never knew this about him until he saw this little teeny sketch and commented how he could never do anything like it. i couldn’t understand him, he was an amazing artist, we just had a different style. remembering that, i recognize how unhelpful it is to compare yourself to others. it’s fruitful to research, get out there, see what is going on in the art world. but the best art that i have made is always pulled from my own experiences.
being critical with your own work can do a few things, it can motivate you to produce what you can, learn from your mistakes and keep working, or it can keep you stale, stuck and full of fear. remembering how my friend’s attitude towards his work might have kept him back i can move forward and hope that he is doing the same thing.
