sunday seems to be the day for snowing. this morning we were scrambling to get our luggage all ready for a road trip to florida, to bring in the new year with m’s family. but somewhere in the middle of all the rushing, i looked out the window and saw the biggest snowflakes ever, not just falling, but furiously diving out of the sky. it was so beautiful. unexpected. i just couldn’t leave it. so we stayed to play in this curious surprise (weather was predicted to be warm and sunny?) made snow angels, snowballs, and a snowman. it didn’t let up for the entire day, and we didn’t regret postponing our drive. (what if it had melted before we returned next week?) it was the perfect way to send christmas away till next year…

*the snowman’s rosy cheeks are made from a spray bottle mixture of red food coloring and water, spritzed on his face.

max is all tucked in his crib, m and i have finished playing santa~we’ve set up the wooden train and stockings and we are playing our first round of upwords (our scrabble game had too many lost tiles) and we’re watching some audrey hepburn movies while consuming some fudge, crackers, nuts, and other yummy things.

i am pleasantly ready for the next year to come, i’m ready to greet it with fresh eyes and new changes. i’ve been writing my mondo beyondo list and here are just a few of the brave things that i want to do the most:

• make traveling somewhere new a habit
• have a show at the village gallery
• find an inspiring mentor
• be published
• work diligently on becoming financially stable
• plant my dream garden, build a privacy fence, enjoy my backyard
• recommit to living more healthy
• strengthen my body gently with yoga everyday, reclaim my strength
• rock on my guitar, write/record songs, maybe perform some? (blush)
• make my studio more inviting
• learn spanish!

*the blockprint is something i made a few years ago while in school, i found a stash of old things in a folder the other day and was surprised at the work i had done. i love printing and might have to save up to get some tools of my own…

“The first fall of snow is not only an event, it is a magical event”

“When it snows, you have two choices: shovel or make snow angels”

“The future lies before you, like paths of pure white snow. Be careful how you tread it, for every step will show.”

my wish yesterday was for some snow. and amazingly enough, it appeared after we returned home from a neighborhood christmas party. i looked outside and saw a light powdered sugar dusting of magical beauty. snow is a nice covering for the ugliness of the city, the abandoned house across the street, the patchy yard. snow is a nice way to say, “it really is christmas, i’m really here.” it is bitterly cold, the storm windows in our dollhouse are rattling and my mug awaits the next cup of hot cocoa to enjoy in a blanket by the warm radiator.

though i have some errands to run tonight, (brrr! if weather permits) staying inside this afternoon from the cold has had its payoffs. i’ve been adoring rachel’s paintings and finding this pattern for my fabric remnants lying around. and i have a new plan for max’s birthday present. i cannot maneuver around a sewing machine if my life depended one it, but since i have till march for him to turn three years old, that will give me time to learn some skills on a recently inherited machine that was lying alone in a friend’s basement. i want to make a homemade version of these little monsters for him to cuddle with, he might need it when he gets in a big boy bed. (my favorite is “sheldon”).

“It is difficult to commit to living where we are, how we are. It is difficult and it is necessary.” ~Julia Cameron~

part of the reason that i wrote about my latest struggle in that last post was to let myself know that it was okay, to be sad…still. and if i couldn’t even write about it in my own blog then what else do i expect? i have had good moments in this past week, in spite of it all. i love this time of the year and it’s been hard to admit that i’ve been so depressed.

and i know that other people all have something that they hide deep inside, i know that other people have worse things to bear. but because i didn’t acknowledge, didn’t try to recognize that i was allowed to feel that way, it made it more difficult. many people don’t know what to say, but that certainly doesn’t mean that they don’t care. it’s just hard when there isn’t anything there. i’m learning an important lesson here, afterall. and that’s being true to myself, being here, trusting that my instincts are real and worthy. ignoring my sadness just compounds the problem, adds to the pain. i don’t have to be happy for everyone, i think that its a programmed thing, to say “i’m fine” and pretend. after a while pretending wears on me. i’m ready for honesty, emotional awareness, making mistakes, being happy with who i am and what i have here and now.

okay, hello kitty sandwich makers? i just added them to my wish list. they are so awesome!

i actually stumbled on two of these vintage sweeties. identical pairs of turquoise typing delight. so one of them has to go to ebay. i use mine for writing letters, making collages, and mostly just to make me smile with inspiration whenever i see it, opened on my studio bookshelf or desk. and stores still carry the ribbons! i’m thinking about starting a collection. the pink ones on ebay are looking verrry pretty right now! what is the saying? two of anything counts as a collection…man, have we come a long way since the typewriter…

(click on the button above to find out about illustration friday)

(rough sketch)

why don’t i like to be around red? is it that aggressive? i tried it for christmas-ing up the house, and i just kept putting things away! so i’m doing green and gold~pastels and creams instead~who says you have to do green and red anyway? i definitely inherited a few loves from my brilliant mom, hopefully they rubbed off as much as possible while i was growing up~decorating and shopping~love ‘em! and its all her fault! (: she is much more superior than i, decorating master my mum is. (:

lately i’m into: 1. hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon and sugar on top 2. peter gabriel 3. not spending money (besides the essentials, like diapers and food) 4. rearranging 5. playdough with max 6. seeing how many scented candles i can light when it gets dark at 4pm, followed with changing into pjs 7. jewelry making 8. mark fresh kiss lipstick 9. browsing crafty websites 10. self portraits

picture of max riding the nyc subway. yesterday i realized something. max is no longer my baby. i don’t have a baby anymore. instead there is this gianormous two year old (look at his size compared to the guy sitting next to him!) who i can hardly carry anymore. he weighs in at 40 pounds. brilliant brain capacity that i blame on his father. silly around girls, usually teenage girls at church. loud and determined, social and all boy. who would have thought that this would all go by so quickly?