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I’m not that intense about New Year’s Resolutions, because like making resolutions all year round! I crave change. I love fresh starts. I’m eager to break out of routine and anxious for what is next. And as I’m thinking about celebrating a milestone birthday in a few days, I’ve never in my life felt so content. I feel a little surprised to be excited about turning thirty. I’m not experiencing any of the ill feelings that are sometimes expected. I think this feeling comes from looking back at the my twenties with awe at how blessed I’ve been to have realized and be living many of the dreams I created in my childhood that seemed so ambitious at the time. (What!)
So back to resoluting. Tonight I will let the sparkle of midnight be in celebration of growth.
I’m not that intense about New Year’s Resolutions, because I like making resolutions all year round! ♥ I crave change. I love fresh starts. I’m eager to break out of routine and anxious for what is next. And as I’m thinking about celebrating a milestone birthday this month, I’ve never in my life felt so content. I feel a little surprised to be excited about turning thirty. I’m not experiencing any of the dreaded feelings that are sometimes expected. I think this feeling comes from looking back at the my twenties with awe at how blessed I’ve been to have realized and be living many of the dreams I created in my childhood that seemed so ambitious at the time. ♥
So back to resoluting. Tonight I will let the sparkle of midnight be in celebration of growth.
“Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant and far away. Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever.” -Jeffrey R. Holland
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin
I was asked several times what gifts I wanted this year and I had a hard time thinking of anything. I know. To want for nothing is a gift itself. But this was no ordinary year.
The frightening time I spent in the hospital this summer was the greatest (physical) pain that I would have ever imagined experiencing in my life. And while it’s clearly not something I was glad for at the time, I am more sure than anything that the ways it has affected me has been one of the greatest gifts I could have been given.
I so much want to write it all out here. Tell you everything. But most of it is just impossible to fit inside of the smallness of words or the limits of language. In those lonely hours, in the darkness of early morning, staring at those hospital windows after the series of failed medicine and surgeries threatened to do me in and then again, in the eerie quiet after one procedure finally found me back here on earth - there was an urgency that forced its way through, pushing it’s way to the surface screaming for air. And that is you.
I wanted all of you there with me. I wanted to tell you how much I loved you and needed you.
You are all such a gift in my life. I feel all that you have given me, in the small or significant ways, I don’t forget them. You got me through! You reminded me of the wholeness of our being here, and that we are NOT meant to be alone. We (I) try too hard to do it ourselves without remembering what makes us that way. I’m sorry for not living this until now, especially because I knew it, but I was afraid before. Or I was waiting till I had it all figured out, I’m not sure. But I see now it’s not too late, and I think that’s where my renewed enthusiasm comes in. To experience the kind of trauma that I did, in such a concentrated amount of time, and to come right out of it fully recovered and sent home to have at life, with a new baby in arms and nothing lost and everything given… it’s mysterious, magical, exciting.
I reflect on all that I have been given, and it very quickly becomes clear to me that even if I spend the rest of my life concentrating a reflection of all my blessings back to you that I wouldn’t have time or room enough.
My Christmas wish is that I will be given the chance to as least try.
And now I see for the first time in my life, I have everything I ever dreamed of, wished for or could want.
The forecast has called for snow for what seems like weeks now. If you’re a fellow Seattleite, you know that it can be exciting, not cumbersome, to have some snowfall. I know it won’t be anything like last year, but it would be magical to have a just a bit fall down before we head out for a trip. Here’s hoping!
And the registration page for future workshops is up, look for more specific dates after the holidays. Speaking of holidays, I hope you enjoy yours! I’ll be celebrating Christmas with loved ones, I’m so excited to be with everyone this special time of the year. You can follow my thoughts along the way here.
Over the weekend, I held a workshop teaching one of my favorite techniques of handpainting photographs. Everyone came away with gorgeous prints and it was so exciting to see what everyone did with their piece. It was especially wonderful for me to see the students who mentioned that they had no background in drawing or painting produce really professional looking photographs that were so gorgeous they could have been hanging in a gallery and no one would be the wiser that it was their first go at it! (Just as I always suspected, everyone is an artist in their own right.) ♥
If you are interested in coming to my workshops, this was the first of many to come. The next one will be in the beginning of the new year, look for the sign-up spots to be posted later today.
Just wanted to share some news with you – a series of my photos will be at a new show in Los Angeles. If you’re in the area, head to the opening reception of INSTANT GRATIFICATION on Saturday January 9th, 2010 at 7pm. It will be held at the Copro Gallery, Bergamot Arts Complex in Santa Monica, California. P.S. Peekaboo! You might spy one of my polaroids at around 15 seconds in on this short clip.
Being a natural redhead, I’ve always been super intimadited with red lipstick. Believe me, I’ve tried a lot of them over the years – and never felt like I could pull it off. But I was recently in Sephora picking up my favorite lotion and decided to try some on, one last time. I walked up to the first pretty shade of red I saw (Leading Lady by Lorac) and boldly put it on my lips with no abandon, just like a movie star from 1940s might have worn hers. And what do you know… it didn’t fight with my hair, compete with my eyes or make me feel like running to the nearest bathroom to immediately wash it off.
While looking for some royalty free images for a project I’ve been working on, I came across paper pursuits. Browsing through the vintage spreads and couturier sewing patterns has me wistful for days gone by when women dressed to the nines. Good thing there are so many occasions to dress up this time of the year – because I love to!
You reminded me of the wholeness of our being here, and that we are NOT meant to be alone. We (I) try too hard to do it ourselves without remembering what makes us that way. I’m sorry for not living this until now, especially because I knew it, but I was afraid before. Or I was waiting till I had it all figured out, I’m not sure. But I see now it’s not too late, and I think that’s where my renewed enthusiasm comes in. To experience the kind of trauma that I did, in such a concentrated amount of time, and to come right out of it fully recovered and sent home to have at life, with a new baby in arms and nothing lost and everything given… it’s mysterious, magical, exciting.
