And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin
I was asked several times what gifts I wanted this year and I had a hard time thinking of anything. I know. To want for nothing is a gift itself. But this was no ordinary year.
The frightening time I spent in the hospital this summer was the greatest (physical) pain that I would have ever imagined experiencing in my life. And while it’s clearly not something I was glad for at the time, I am more sure than anything that the ways it has affected me has been one of the greatest gifts I could have been given.
I so much want to write it all out here. Tell you everything. But most of it is just impossible to fit inside of the smallness of words or the limits of language. In those lonely hours, in the darkness of early morning, staring at those hospital windows after the series of failed medicine and surgeries threatened to do me in and then again, in the eerie quiet after one procedure finally found me back here on earth - there was an urgency that forced its way through, pushing it’s way to the surface screaming for air. And that is you.
I wanted all of you there with me. I wanted to tell you how much I loved you and needed you.
You are all such a gift in my life. I feel all that you have given me, in the small or significant ways, I don’t forget them. You got me through! 
You reminded me of the wholeness of our being here, and that we are NOT meant to be alone. We (I) try too hard to do it ourselves without remembering what makes us that way. I’m sorry for not living this until now, especially because I knew it, but I was afraid before. Or I was waiting till I had it all figured out, I’m not sure. But I see now it’s not too late, and I think that’s where my renewed enthusiasm comes in. To experience the kind of trauma that I did, in such a concentrated amount of time, and to come right out of it fully recovered and sent home to have at life, with a new baby in arms and nothing lost and everything given… it’s mysterious, magical, exciting.
I reflect on all that I have been given, and it very quickly becomes clear to me that even if I spend the rest of my life concentrating a reflection of all my blessings back to you that I wouldn’t have time or room enough.
My Christmas wish is that I will be given the chance to as least try.
And now I see for the first time in my life, I have everything I ever dreamed of, wished for or could want.
Time to make some new dreams.
I Can’t wait.
See you next year.
Lovely entry, querida. I´m gonna read it again later and make a more meaningful comment, but for now, I wanted to let you know that the quote is missing the word “was” (to remain tight in a bud was more…).
Caught it! Thanks so much Marce, we need to catch up as soon as I get back!
Beautiful thoughts to start the holidays and new year. Now is always the right time to appreciate our blessings and create new dreams. We love you too and are so glad for the miracles in your life that you share with us. Happy Holidays!
I am just so grateful for your friendship, your spirit, your style, your grace. xoxo
You’ve always been an inspiration, Jenny. I’m looking forward to more of your great work. Thank you for sharing your creativity for all of us to enjoy.
We had a similar experience with my wife in the hospital after the birth of our twin boys. There were complications, and I honestly didn’t know what was going to happen to her and to our little family. It’s not something I want to ever experience again, but it certainly changed my perspective on many things. I’m grateful for everyday I get to be with her.
Wish you and your family the best in the new year :)
- Daniel
Hi Jenny – I don’t comment much but I am always excited to see when you post something new… I am here.. Seen OR Unseen. I predict you have plenty of invisible help out there as well…
Sending you my love and thoughts!
Happy Holidays!
what a beautiful post and lovely reminder to us all at this time of year that the most important things are the people in our lives and the relationships we have built. thanks for putting your thoughts out so eloquently and beautifully!
Thank you for your always so thoughful words dear Jenny.
Have the most wonderful time with your family and friends on these festive days.
Happy holidays
Oh I forgot to say how beautiful is this picture as well ! I loooove it!
I love you!
i am so grateful you made it through. you are such a bright light, jenny. such a bright light.