We had the most extraordinary birthday, thanks to all of you in my life who made that happen! ♥  I was truly spoiled over the entire weekend in the most decadent fashion and I will always remember how 30 was brought in with such sweetness.

It’s been one of those weeks where I haven’t had a moment to spare, so I hope to share more with you soon.  So much to share! x.

God is giving away the spiritual secrets of the universe… are we listening? – Neal A. Maxwell

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.  Anais Nin

I was asked several times what gifts I wanted this year and I had a hard time thinking of anything.  I know.  To want for nothing is a gift itself.  But this was no ordinary year.

The frightening time I spent in the hospital this summer was the greatest (physical) pain that I would have ever imagined experiencing in my life.  And while it’s clearly not something I was glad for at the time, I am more sure than anything that the ways it has affected me has been one of the greatest gifts I could have been given.

I so much want to write it all out here.  Tell you everything.  But most of it is just impossible to fit inside of the smallness of words or the limits of language.  In those lonely hours, in the darkness of early morning, staring at those hospital windows after the series of failed medicine and surgeries threatened to do me in and then again, in the eerie quiet after one procedure finally found me back here on earth -  there was an urgency that forced its way through, pushing it’s way to the surface screaming for air.  And that is you.

I wanted all of you there with me.  I wanted to tell you how much I loved you and needed you.

You are all such a gift in my life.  I feel all that you have given me, in the small or significant ways, I don’t forget them.  You got me through!  You reminded me of the wholeness of our being here, and that we are NOT meant to be alone.  We (I) try too hard to do it ourselves without remembering what makes us that way.  I’m sorry for not living this until now, especially because I knew it, but I was afraid before.  Or I was waiting till I had it all figured out, I’m not sure.  But I see now it’s not too late, and I think that’s where my renewed enthusiasm comes in.  To experience the kind of trauma that I did, in such a concentrated amount of time, and to come right out of it fully recovered and sent home to have at life, with a new baby in arms and nothing lost and everything given… it’s mysterious, magical, exciting.

I reflect on all that I have been given, and it very quickly becomes clear to me that even if I spend the rest of my life concentrating a reflection of all my blessings back to you that I wouldn’t have time or room enough.

My Christmas wish is that I will be given the chance to as least try.

And now I see for the first time in my life, I have everything I ever dreamed of, wished for or could want.

Time to make some new dreams.

I Can’t wait.

See you next year.

It reminds me of all those morning walks. Of staying out late in the city streets with Mars, holding hands.  Of what it means to be alive. What else makes you feel alive?

+ letting go of identities.

+ pedaling on my bike until I can’t take it anymore…  and then coasting for an entire block or two.

+ having the same haircut I had when I was seven. (my long red hair and bangs.)

+ living minutes away from the water, for the past several years. I get antsy without a coast nearby.

+ waking up before everyone else, or staying up later than everyone else. and then doing something crazy with someone else.

+ feeling resentful feelings towards a person, a memory, or a situation all dissolve… at my will.

+ this time of the year.

+ being vulnerable, and then realizing that the possibility of appearing weak, open and emotional is a sign of true strength.

(In one of those “in another life” scenarios, I would love to be a music video maker. Producer? Film maker. You know.. the person in charge of creating a scene, choosing the music, the lights, the costumes, the location, the shots.)

Elias Gray

Born July 3rd, welcomed into the world with open arms and hearts!  Our joy is boosted higher as an underlying sadness for baby desires long unfulfilled melt away with relief every second he is here.  (Constantly playing in my head: We get to keep him!) Motherhood truly is an eternal privilege of cherishing the most beautiful work(s) of art one can ever hope to have a hand in creating.  Nothing can top this. Thank you to family and friends for all the support and love, we can’t wait for all of you to meet him!

dear lovelies,
enjoy this little video i put together in praise of spring. the beautiful music is provided by alison sudol of a fine frenzy. i love these lyrics that speak of being brave about life, “staying inside it all goes by…” (thanks to jena for introducing me to this beautiful singer!)
besos… j.

come on, come out
the weather is warm
come on, come out
come on come on

a spot in the shade
where oranges fall
a spot in the shade
away from it all

watching the sky, you’re watching a painting
coming to life, shifting and shaping
staying inside, it all goes all goes by

a blanket unfolds,
a blanket to lie
the pieces of gold
they light up your eyes
and now we’re alone
and now we’re alive

watching the sky, you’re watching a painting
coming to life, shifting and shaping
staying inside, it all goes
all goes all goes all goes by
stopping the time, the rush and the waiting
leave it behind, shifting and shaping
keep it inside, it all goes all goes all goes all goes by

it all goes passing by
all goes passing by

watching the sky, you’re watching a painting
coming to life, shifting and shaping
staying inside, it all goes
all goes all goes all goes by
stopping the time, the rush and the waiting
leave it behind, shifting and shaping
keep it inside, it all goes all goes by

so many things i wanted to share with you this week… but the early arrival of easter has caught me by surprise! i’m so overjoyed to watch the world in renewal.. coming to life in blossom and color. what reverence that brings. happy easter friends.

when you feel you have suffered too long without it, the sun remembers and is there to guide us. (and can i just say, when i am “old” i hope to be as cool as this sweet lady?)

+ astronomy picture of the day
+ vitamin D & the sun

i’m behind on the things that i’ve wanted to blog about. mostly due to sleeping for days on end getting well and then due in part to a sudden burst of energy that i’m feeling now that i’m over such an awful cold, being up till four in the morning getting things done.

i suppose that’s the lovely thing about my blog, it won’t bail on me if i don’t show up when i think i will.

last week the president of my church passed away at 97 years of age. if there was anyone who understood a person’s true nature, it was gordon b. hinckley. because he had an unconquerable, truly optimistic spirit it seemed that he would always be around. when i received the news that he had passed away, tears welled in my eyes in disbelief. and yet to my surprise just moments later i felt deeply impressed with a wonderful realization that he is now reunited with his dear wife, who had passed on four years ago. i can’t even tell you how this takes away any sting of death and how this sweet feeling is a true comfort. he really missed her. and it seems just the feeling of hope that he would want to leave the world with. that life carries on, that there i purpose, continuance. he once said the following…

“at funerals we speak words intended to give comfort. but in reality they afford but little comfort. only those who have passed through this dark valley know its utter desolation. to lost one’s much-loved partner with whom one has long walked through sunshine and shadow is absolutely devastating. there is a consuming loneliness which increases in intensity. it painfully gnaws at one’s very soul. but in the quiet of the night a silent whisper is heard that says, ‘all is well. all is well.’ and that voice from out of the unknown brings peace, and certainty, and unwavering assurance that death is not the end, that life goes on, with work to do and victories to be gained. that voice quietly, even unheard with mortal ears, brings assurance that, as surely as there has been separation, there will be a joyful reuniting.

and so with that firm assurance you will go on. there will be days of loneliness and longing, but the sunlight of faith will shine again and the fires of love will warm you.”

purple rain (from the blooming jacaranda trees) and pink pedi

catching an animated argentine movie at village recoleta

sharing strawberry shortcake with my best buenos aires bud, marcela

holiday shopping & first christmas tree sighting of the season

surprise flowers from my sweet husband <3