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The first time I went to Europe I was engaged to be married. I was touring Italy, studying on an Art History trip and Venice was a stopping point along the way – a place to explore more museums and paintings and architecture. Had I been prepared for the ache that would settle in my inner arena for being in the most romantic city in Europe (as I found myself without the man I loved) I might have planned for him to meet me there. But something about the stillness of solitude before the great leap and the assurance that his unconditional love had really come into my life gave me a calm. That love was happening right then and there. And that connection to him made everything I saw in those moments as romantic as if he had been there. The ache would have been the same. Venice gives you this longing. It is a painter’s city. An artist cannot help but love being in love here. From Piazza San Marco to the Rialto bridge, textures and light are all orchestrating a grand chiaroscuro that you only have to open your eyes to be a part of. The shimmering canals and the sea fresh skies are the cymbal crashes in the song that you never want to stop listening to, but you leave knowing that you can only come back on one condition – that you come back with him next time.
Going to Venice without your fiance doesn’t break your wild romantic heart, it assures your strength in being there alone and surrounded by people other than him without being completely swallowed by the events to come and the city that is far more beautiful than you.
This trip being before the time digital cameras were introduced, photographs were counted very carefully as every frame needed to be taken with the greatest thought. Still, I wish I hadn’t been so frugal with my pictures because my memories have faded so much since then. In this one, I remember clearly… I was thinking of him.
So just don’t click the link if you haven’t yet seen or read the book, but I pretty much agree with this review of Eat, Pray, Love and knew it would be so when I bought tickets – but c’mon, who doesn’t want an excuse to escape the hot summer temps on girl’s night out to vicariously travel through gorgeous shots of Indonesia, India and Italy? I went with a friend who has a reverence for wanderlust and adventure like I do, assuming that she must have adored the book like everyone else. Before the lights dimmed, I gathered the guts to admit something… at the height of the book’s popularity I started to read it too but just couldn’t finish it. It fell so flat for me, as someone who was in the middle of living my own adventure outside of the states at the time, I didn’t connect with Gilbert’s way of searching and spirituality. And because of the book’s utter success I felt my opinion would come across misunderstood, smug even, if I were to actually admit this to anyone. But then a funny thing happened. She told me she couldn’t finish it either! Kindred spirits I tell you…they don’t come by everyday.
PS, didn’t you love Ketut? And Javier Bardem combined with Bebel Gilberto’s “Samba da Benção” wasn’t too bad either. Bebel has gotten me through many rainy nights through the years. (Let me make you a mix tape. No Air Supply and Phil Collins included. Lyrics after the jump.)
LavenderFestival – We had the chance to go to with someone I’ve been wanting to get to know better. She may be petite in physical size, but if we walked in this world our spiritual stature instead, we would not have to ride the ferry and lengthy car ride to see the lavender fields – our two families could have rode on Bethany’s back instead, for she would only need to take two steps from the water that separates city and the country and we would be there.
I have been in this lady’s presence when she has been called to help others and she has stunned and humbled me with her enormous spirit. Sometimes you never know who you are with. I love this about people and I believe that everyone has something that will surprise me in them. Everyone has something to teach me. Sometimes, I struggle with how long it takes for others to reveal their surprise to me. Sometimes, they aren’t as willing. (Bethany is one of those whose readiness has always been accessible to all, she is a leader of the women in our church, and does this service of her time without any pay or without asking for anything in return!) She does many things – I have seen her down the halls at our church when she didn’t know I was watching: holding an obviously poor woman’s hand like a child, maybe someone she has just met. She has given hundreds of hugs, perhaps thousands. She is very giving of her knowledge and experiences, especially those things that most people would be too prideful to share with others, but in her wisdom, she shares anyway – knowing it would benefit others.
Perhaps the greatest moment for me with Bethany came when I couldn’t find someone to accompany me to visit a woman who was new to our church, but who had some extreme obstacles in her life and needed some company one night. I called a few people, and then I found that Bethany was willing to come with me. I admit I was more cautious when we entered her home the first time, it wasn’t in the safest side of the city and it shocking how sad this woman had to live in such an environment. But Bethany didn’t have the same reserves. She didn’t notice the cracks on the walls or the stains on the bed where we were invited to sit and she held onto this woman’s arms, hugged her, and told her profound things to warm her heart through her tears. I left that night knowing the surprise that Bethany had for me.
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This weekend I realized that I made a grave mistake about someone who I had misjudged. Maybe this person does not even know, but in my awfulness, I’m swimming in the bittersweet joy of forgiveness. I’ve realized that so many times, we do not know the whole story about people. This past year, I have experienced how it is to be on the other side of being wrongly judged more than I ever care to know in life. It’s been a struggle to feel misjudged and not know why, yet to carry on. How hard it is when this barriers come into our lives! I’m not perfect, but I’m always trying to make an effort not to make an arrival at who people are before I truly “see” them, because I know that I will love them if I just take the time, and I’m hoping that goes the other way too. :)
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” C.S. Lewis
“Just for the act of documenting what was happening to him, who he shared moments with. You know, as if interactions with people were rare and out of the ordinary.”
To all those who have gone before us and fought so that we might live in freedom, we in America cherish you.
I hope that my grandpa doesn’t mind me sharing with you some of his extraordinary photographs. He was one of the exceedingly blessed ones who survived the horrors of WWII and lived to tell great stories of the men and noble leaders around him who led us to victory. (All photos were taken in the summer of 1945.) Isn’t he handsome?
1. wake up earlier than everyone else in the house.
2. find a perfect vintage dress.
3. watch movies on the homemade screen at grammy & grandpa’s lake with the fam.
4. visit friends in portland. eat lots of street food.
5. go camping on the coast with friends.
6. farmers market season! fruit, pies, pizza, bread, flowers.
7. get out all my sun loving film cameras from my collection out from hibernation to play.
8. two words: bright lipstick.
9. play mad libs with max.
10. make a new pal. no age discrimination. though i’m hoping for someone with wisdom-age to mentor me.
11. take girls night outside!
12. wear my espadrilles and wedges on a weekday. possibly with no. 2
13. invent a new kind of pizza. give it a name.
14. perform one my ukulele songs for someone. gulp!
15. bonfires at golden gardens. marshmallows to be roasted. s’mores. like these please!
16. spruce up my bicycle and find a baby seat for elias. ride.
17. ride the ferry to bainbridge again, but this time with our bikes. once on the island, ride.
18. create a new flavor of homemade ice cream. give it a name.
19. acquire new piece of art and hang somewhere special in our home.
20. find a new destination to add to my sand collection. possibly from no.5
21. longboard with Mars like the old days. try to keep up with him without falling.
22. start a spontaneous water fight. capture the moment on film.
23. go berry picking with the boys.
24. bake a pie with fresh washington berries.
25. paint a portrait of someone special. someone like this.
…and what an epic ending it was. Probably the most emotionally gratifying series ender in the history of television. After the sometimes very maddening zigzag journey we went through for six years, I have to say I was thrown at the finale and did not expect to be so impressed – I was completely surprised with the relationships coming full circle and having their closure in the end in such a beautifully woven spiritual finale. Didn’t see that coming. I immediately loved it and hung on every word – the redemption, the forgiveness, the reconciliations, it was so good.
I loved the Lost finale on a personal level too. Jack’s Dad said it all. Our most important time here on our island is with our loved ones too. All that other stuff is just meaningless without each other. It makes those annoyed over the polar bears in life kind of missing the point… maybe some never will see the point though. Maybe those who recognize the point can help people who don’t get it yet.
I believe we will still be ourselves after we die, retaining our same thoughts and motivations and beliefs (and just like in the show’s finale) it might take someone very significant to help us come to grips with what has happened to us – to bring us into the light, to move on into the eternities.
Who will be our Christian Shephard? Who will you want in your church with you?
I don’t know about you, but it’s my deepest hope that those church pews are filled.
(And I would hope for a Vincent to come running to lay by my side in my last hour too.)
Photos taken back in March from our trip to Kona, Hawaii
We had the most extraordinary birthday, thanks to all of you in my life who made that happen! ♥ I was truly spoiled over the entire weekend in the most decadent fashion and I will always remember how 30 was brought in with such sweetness.
It’s been one of those weeks where I haven’t had a moment to spare, so I hope to share more with you soon. So much to share! x.
